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About Literature / Student Member Nicole22/Female/United States Group :iconwitches-gathering: Witches-Gathering
 
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I could hear my mom's voice before I saw her, she had that sort of laugh that filled the room and that sort of voice that could travel for mile. It was sweet and soft something I loved about her, and it was something that reminded me of someone else. Looking down at my legs I could feel myself wondering if I'll ever walk again, I used to walk right? I did? Sometimes I wonder if having the ability to walk...if being the avatar had happened to another person. Someone who was just not me. "Korra, there you are" her smile was so warm all i could do was manage a small smile in return. "The Mail just arrived, you have a letter here from Future Industries i bet its from Asami!". There it was, the mere mention of your name and my heart did a back flip, "thanks mom" I manage to say to her as I accept the letter as calmly as possible.

Rolling into my room I shut the door and turned on the oil lamps by my desk. For a moment I held the crimson envelope in my hand and admired the way your curling script graced the surface making my short brutish name look elegant and feminine. Bringing it to my lips I press a tender kiss to the stiff paper and I swear I can smell the jasmine body lotion you are so obsessed with covering your self in. Carefully I open the envelope and add it to the stacks of envelopes on my desk, the stacks that houses envelopes from mako and bolin were savagely torn open as if done by a excited child at the winter solstice. But every envelope that was from Asami had been opened slowly and delicately and placed reverently in a neat pile besides its letters.

Turning the contents over in my hands I frowned visibly disappointed, this envelope did not hold a letter but a invitation to the opening of the future industries rail road. Though disappointed i couldn't help but smile, asami had dreamt of the rail road for so long and had wanted to connect the entire world using her father's company to do good. A few moments passed and finally I decided to pull out some light blue paper and a pen to reply to all the letters she had written me, all the words I had left unspoken these past few years.

Dear Asami,

The stupidest thing i've ever done was say no when you offered to come with me to the water tribes. I wish i had accepted your invitation but that is the past and we cannot live in that can we.? I am so proud of you and everything you have done since i have left, the rail road sounds like it will really put your company on the map. I am sure you are very popular now and know many people. My greatest regret asami...is the fact I left republic city without...


She looked down at the letter and everything she had written so far, nothing seemed writhe  but at the same time it was honest and that is what korra was honest and blunt and rushed. I  at back in my chair staring at old photos from the days before the red lotus and zaheer between amon and his equalists and grabbing bank robbers we actually had managed to have fun in republic city. The city that was my home but most importantly, she was there. My eyes fell on her charming face in a photography of us just the two of us at a street festival my arms around her waist like a man staking his claim on land. She was laughing into my shoulder and i was smiling, I was so happy and yet now...I couldn't tell where that happiness had gone.

When her father was arrested she shared a room with me, I remembered waking up to her crying into her pillow at night. At first I was annoyed but then when I looked at her I saw a strange sort of beauty in the way she cried. Like she did the day the boat took me away, I had pulled away from hugging her and I had seen the tears in her eyes. Why did you cry for me Asami?  I often wondered as I stared into the darkness that surrounded me at night, why cry for me? Looking back at the letter I frowned at the last line. "I wish I hadn't left republic city without telling you I love you" I whispered to her softly as if the words would write themselves and travel to her through the wind.

Crumpling up the paper I pulled out another piece as I lit the old one on fire, beginning once more on another letter I would not find the courage to send.

Dear Asami.

So much has happened since I last wrote on this blog, school swiftly took over my life and my shifts at work have been getting longer with each passing day. For a time Ryan and I danced around the idea of getting back together, he kept me dangling rather cruelly till the very last second. When he admitted to loving her my friend, it was the final straw. He had told me he loved only me and wanted me back, when he said not more then a day later he loved her and told me her fiance and her had broken up. (It was a open relationship.) I saw red, and for the first time since this all began i lost my temper. I Threw his ring at him and yelled rather loudly at him "Go fuck himself", before i left to go cool down. While any outburst of any kind is considered ill advised I still do not regret my actions. He deserved some level of humiliation that I have been suffering. Though since that moment, where I felt myself let go it was as if the moment i threw the ring at him i was throwing my attachment to him away as well. I feel...better. Better then I have in months. 

I love him that much is still true but I'm looking towards the future with a positive attitude. It will be four months october since the breakup and in time i think i'll be ready to date. The only tricky part is the people I want to date...well they are girls haha!. To anyone who knows me It's no secret that I am bisexual but when I attempted to come out to my mother this past weekend it didn't go well. I managed to cover things up for the sake of sanity so we can move on and I can feel safe in my home. 

That being said, school is going alright. Its stressful and painful and depressing and my anxiety attacks are up. I've been put on heart medication to help sooth my speeding heart when it threatens to run off the rails since the increased speed is causing damage. Work is alright and I am applying for different jobs, while making plans for a weekend in the city for my 22nd birthday. 

The best news is in ten days I will be attending the New York Comic Con with the most beautiful and lovely girl on my arm. We are attending as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, naturally I am portraying Harley. 

Weight loss is honestly the most frustrating thing, I continue to lose inches while pounds stubbornly stay on. I'm working hard though so we shall see. I look good, i actually need to buy an outfit or two that can show off my figure-i actually have a figure now XP. This week I am seeing a new doctor to look at my spine and see what can be done to fix or alleviate some of the pain. 

Its been a crazy couple of weeks, it really has been. I've felt like I am losing my mind but when I woke up this morning despite all the heartbreak depression and pain, I knew one thing; 

I'm Okay. 

  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: Pentonix
  • Reading: City of Heavenly Fire
  • Watching: Gotham
  • Playing: --
  • Eating: Apples and Cheddar
  • Drinking: Coffee
I know i'm just a tool in this game made for fools,
but how long did you expect love to outweigh ignorance?
Your actions have forced the scales to tip,
I remember tears in your eyes when you said you'd never let me go,
now the war inside my mind is waging on,
floating out in the darkness all alone, you punish me like a criminal,
torture me for flaws,
you had no right to be judge and jury, to sentence without just cause.

So now the darkness has killed my light as you turn your back on me,
this is the last time I allow hope to be born and to die,
i wont let you see me cry anymore.
So if i scream, i'll scream, knowing you don't care.
Actions speak louder and i bleed for you while you stop and stare,
fingers pointed at the beast behind the cage, i can hear your laughter through my pain,
you were my future killing the pain of the past now your killing me slowly day by day.

You say one thing then do the opposite,
you want me to understand but dont care to explain,
you punish me over and over, its always the same,
if i try to talk sense to you, all i get is how unhappy you were,  
so your smiles were lies,
the hugs hollow,
the amazing days meaningless, was it all that shallow?
My throat is tight my stomach sick, t
heres only so much a dog can take when its being kicked,

i long for your love,
i crave your touch,
your kind voice in my head is reseeding like the ocean,
you complain about the past every time i try to set plans in motion,
run its course, i have no idea what i'm doing, you say to me,
i know exactly what your doing, your stringing me along while doing your best to forget me,
i'm glad i meant so much to you, that you can say you still love me,
then repeatedly cause me harm all in the name of your sanity,
its selfish to leave things unfinished and walk away like you have some sort of vanity to protect,
while i cry in public reaching for you the man i loved since we met,
if this is what love will always be like then its hopeless and something
i cant believe, how am i supposed to move on when someone might do this again to me?
i see your face in every video game and movie,
i hear your laugh at every bad joke and comedy,
your everywhere like a ghost haunting me,

and yet you insist on the pain, cutting me,
i should just run away i should,
because i can see you over there mocking me,
you talk about cages look at this life i'm living caring for a sick family barely earning a dime,
watching the man i love take his time fooling around with my best friend,
trust is for fools and i wont be fooled again,
why should i trust anyone when you showed you were just like them,
in this game of fools were playing cards,
your showing knives and i'm showing hearts,
what comes down too at the end of the day,
each moment the facade goes on, remember who pays.
Next time you go string your lies,
remember hearts dont break even
one person wins and the other one dies.

When you left me broken,
Bleeding on the floor,
When you ended the chapter,
When you closed the door,
A hand so gentle helped me,
A angel from my fantasies,
Locked in the darkness of our tragedy,
She found me,
Hair the colour of fire,
She sets my soul alight,
And reminds me of desire,
For love and the will to fight,
You turned from me and she struggles to make me see,
That not everyone gives up on me,
So long I've stumbled lost in the night,
But thanks to her...i see the light.
Light
Its probably nothing but its nice. 
Loading...

I cannot fall asleep without your name on my lips,
The scent of my skin even reminds me of you,
The cleanser I use thick with memories,
The scent the sunblock and chlorine and your shampoo,
I wonder if in time you'll find my memory,
Just as haunting as I do,
I long for you,
Like the ocean longs for the moon,
And the moon in her wisdom stays far away,
Knowing if she comes too close the ocean will suffer,
While your with her I am left dying,
But though I long for you,
I will stop crying,
The tears are wasted on lost time,
No use remembering when I was yours,
And you were mine.

So much has happened since I last wrote on this blog, school swiftly took over my life and my shifts at work have been getting longer with each passing day. For a time Ryan and I danced around the idea of getting back together, he kept me dangling rather cruelly till the very last second. When he admitted to loving her my friend, it was the final straw. He had told me he loved only me and wanted me back, when he said not more then a day later he loved her and told me her fiance and her had broken up. (It was a open relationship.) I saw red, and for the first time since this all began i lost my temper. I Threw his ring at him and yelled rather loudly at him "Go fuck himself", before i left to go cool down. While any outburst of any kind is considered ill advised I still do not regret my actions. He deserved some level of humiliation that I have been suffering. Though since that moment, where I felt myself let go it was as if the moment i threw the ring at him i was throwing my attachment to him away as well. I feel...better. Better then I have in months. 

I love him that much is still true but I'm looking towards the future with a positive attitude. It will be four months october since the breakup and in time i think i'll be ready to date. The only tricky part is the people I want to date...well they are girls haha!. To anyone who knows me It's no secret that I am bisexual but when I attempted to come out to my mother this past weekend it didn't go well. I managed to cover things up for the sake of sanity so we can move on and I can feel safe in my home. 

That being said, school is going alright. Its stressful and painful and depressing and my anxiety attacks are up. I've been put on heart medication to help sooth my speeding heart when it threatens to run off the rails since the increased speed is causing damage. Work is alright and I am applying for different jobs, while making plans for a weekend in the city for my 22nd birthday. 

The best news is in ten days I will be attending the New York Comic Con with the most beautiful and lovely girl on my arm. We are attending as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, naturally I am portraying Harley. 

Weight loss is honestly the most frustrating thing, I continue to lose inches while pounds stubbornly stay on. I'm working hard though so we shall see. I look good, i actually need to buy an outfit or two that can show off my figure-i actually have a figure now XP. This week I am seeing a new doctor to look at my spine and see what can be done to fix or alleviate some of the pain. 

Its been a crazy couple of weeks, it really has been. I've felt like I am losing my mind but when I woke up this morning despite all the heartbreak depression and pain, I knew one thing; 

I'm Okay. 

  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: Pentonix
  • Reading: City of Heavenly Fire
  • Watching: Gotham
  • Playing: --
  • Eating: Apples and Cheddar
  • Drinking: Coffee

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Nicole
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
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:iconcodename-insanity:
CodeName-Insanity Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014
thank you so much for the fave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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white-dragon-freya Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014
thanks for fav ^^
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xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Student Artist
Hey~~

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in supporting me in that endeavor of mine?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!
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SniperPlushie Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014
Thanks for faving!
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BevanMaria Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Student Filmographer
Thanks for the watch!
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Tithoyie Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
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xShadow-Lightx Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Thank for the fave. If you are interested in my works, please follow me/like on facebook. www.facebook.com/xKage.no.Hika…
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silver37 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013
Thank you so much for the fav! :D
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Sephirayne Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thank you ever so much for the favourite ^_^
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Chimja Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
hey i was wondering if u could make a folder for spells for witches-gathering?
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